Building connection with your birth partner: How to prepare for your journey to parenthood.

Preparing for your baby’s arrival can be daunting and overwhelming.

Most of the content that is available focuses on the main event: birth. And, while this is a huge event and it is incredibly important to prepare for this, it is just as important to prepare for what comes after.

A study by psychotherapist John Gottman shows that a huge 67% of marriage satisfaction declines after the first baby has arrived. And it is no wonder that we struggle with this huge, life changing event if we don’t take the time and effort to communicate with our partners.

Unfortunately, the role of your partner gets massively reduced down to ‘light touch massage’ and fighting with medical professionals about your birth plan.

So how can we change this? 

In reality it is important that you both have the time to consider what is really important to you both as a couple. 

• How do you want to support each other?

• How will you find connection in those topsy-turvy days with a newborn baby?

• What matters to you both for your new family - as new parents. (And this goes for whether it is your first baby or your fourth!)

Remember: birth is only the beginning. 

This is the start of your wonderful journey as parents. As a bigger family, with new challenges, hurdles and beautiful memories to make. 

Let’s start by reflecting on that first. 

But how do you start these conversations if you have no experience? 

I have put together three conversations to have with your partner before your baby arrives. And it is never too late to do this work. Whether you are a new or seasoned parent - these prompts may be able to help you build connection with your partner and help you in the long run of your relationship and family. 

Get the conversation started and download the workbook here.

From there we can start to consider how you might like to be supported as you give birth.

And to your birth partner, I have this note…

Birth partner;

The main thing we know about birth (and life in general) is that it feels better and flows better when you are relaxed.

Birth can be a very stressful experience, so staying calm and relaxed is your number one priority.

Research shows that our partner has wonderful (magic even!) powers to calm us down.

That feeling of safety.

That feeling that when we are with our ‘tribe’ we are safe. We are home. 

Here are some of the simple actions that we can do to help our partners with connection and releasing stress…

• Encourage them to lengthen the exhale in deep breathing exercises. 

• Make skin to skin contact. Small touches like holding hands will work. A warm hug for at least 20 seconds is better. 

• Kissing - this is the most effective way to calm down the nervous system and release oxytocin (the WONDER HORMONE for labour!) Kissing for at least seven seconds will tell your body that you are safe and that you are with your tribe.

I do hope that this has been helpful and would love to know if you have anything to add or any questions. 

If you’d like to discuss these topics further or would like help with your birth then please arrange a free call.